When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong: Captain Save-A-Ho (Family Edition)

The dust settles, the smoke clears, and you're left holding your proverbial dick in your hand. Nothing has changed for the better. You're in the same position and state you were when you decided to lend a helping hand you knew would be to your own detriment. You allow your inner voice to be muffled. Your own sense of peace is exchanged for the semblance of appreciation delivered to you in half-hearted thank yous, artificial declarations of contingent love, and, what you believe to be, the ability to sleep at night feeling as though you helped someone else. The only issue with that, though, is that your peaceful sleep is disrupted because, now, you're bitter, habitually rueful, and unable to progress. You've become the stepping-stone for everyone to accomplish their hopes and dreams--a springboard to catapult your loved ones to the next stage of their lives while you remain...stuck.

There's an old saying: "You can't pour from a pitcher that's empty." Despite my gross overuse of second person pronouns (I think it's a coping mechanism. I sometimes hate to think I'm in such a preventable situation), this article, as with most of my writing, is an open letter of sorts to myself first, then to others. Constant neglect of self in favor of the advancement of others only hurts you in the long run; loss of chances in life due to lack of available resources; loss of friendships and familial ties because of your inability to express yourself. This all stems from one place, though: pleasing others. That gnawing you get when you know someone isn't satisfied with a choice you've made. That nagging you feel when you know that you've made a decision that will benefit your life greatly, but MAY cause slight and, quite possibly, temporary discomfort to those around you. Therefore, you choose to forego your own contentment and go through that cycle once more, one that always ends in you throwing a solo pity party.

Ya'll are probably reading this and saying, "This negro has yet to use 'I' once. You're right. Let me associate myself closer with this issue.

The frequency in which I (y'all like that, don't you?) find myself in this situation is quite astonishing. Many friends and family have come into my life, gotten something from me, and moved upward. Whether it be with school, employment, relationships, or anything else, they stay winning and I remain black and underemployed.

In church, they tend to tell us that God has a way of getting your attention through the many different situations that he puts you in. I disagree in part. I believe God gives us many signs that we need to back the hell up and reevaluate some shit, yet we ignore. So, he/she/whatever you prefer to call it steps back and lets us put ourselves in situations that will get our own attention.

When I think back, one-hundred-percent of the conditions I'm in are self-inflicted and completely consequential of the choices I've made. We could get into the details of the way I was raised, how what I can do for others played an intricate role in the vision of my own self-worth, but that's for another time, and another article. This shit here; this is for the healed part of me that can now accept that my self-worth isn't in what I can provide to others in terms of material items, but more in the realm of the intangible.

Listen, now, Mother Vanzant can go on tangents and pull stuff out of that kid 'n play fade, but take a portion from the message she gives above. Without keeping yourself fully capable of supporting yourself, you're doing a disservice to the world.

I hope this penetrated your souls 'n shit. Be blessed.