Tired of Living with Strangers? Us Too.

You all will find that I am an invested proponent of the "first person plural" voice. One reason may be my habitual use of it at work. As the assistant coordinator of  an after- school program, I've found that in a classroom setting, an all-inclusive voice is the most effective approach to universal classroom management. But beyond all of the cutesy shit, I believe the mere thought of sacrificing my comfort-zone, couched in my imagined cohort of peers, eliminates me having to assume my experiences as exclusively mine--ugh.

This, however, is not why you are here. So, onward.

I was introduced to the above conversation between Willow, Jada, and "Gammy" last May. Seven months after dissecting the first viewing, I am re-hashing my thoughts on this nearly effortless display of fearlessness by Willow. And I am reminded of just how compartmentalized I was as a child (and still am as an adult). Though my parents encouraged questioning and depth of thought in the academic arena, I was raised in a primarily "speak only when spoken to" household. This drove my intellectual, emotional, and social selves to become very isolated entities. As I grew intellectually with the aid of both parents and close family, I felt that reaching out to these same people for substantive matters would interfere with the near perfect image I'd settled into. I'd have been a fool to stir this  perception; inconsiderate to detract from the attention due to the more obviously needy children in the family; and overstepping boundaries in "trying to be too grown". My emotional development was, thus, a private, self-learned journey, mostly void of meaningful guidance and cues.

They thought I had it figured out. I didn't want to prove them otherwise. (And if it's not visible, who's volunteering to shine a light into the dark for it?) Despite having recently come into understanding  how all of "my parts" affect and interact with each other, it is still very important for me to constantly work through the damaging role feigned communication and emotional suppression have played in my life.

Is it possible that there is a very real fear of the truths that may surface (for better or worse) from building authentic, communication-based relationships with the people with which we share our lives? What would happen if we took the time to get to know our mothers, fathers, siblings, and cousins as well as we do those which we consider welcoming into our lives as significant others? (Or are we faking it there too?) How is the divide between the commitments of eros and agape so gaping?

Without a genuine interest in the overall well-being of another, there is no premise for any variation of healthy, sustainable love. How are we to ensure our role in this aspect if we have not invested time and some semblance of understanding the lives of our loved ones?

What happens when the familial ties are gone and we're left only with each other's messes in the way of everyone's progress? Will we still choose to co-habitate with familiar strangers even if it means haulting personal and collective progress?

It's (well past) high time I take a cue from my inner 11-year-old Willow-y self.

"Relationships are a journey...If we concentrate on how much we can love each other, we can overcome it all." - Jada Pinkett-Smith

           

- juh